One Year Down

As I think of it, here are the greatest accomplishments of my life:

1. Getting married.
2. Having a baby.
3. Finishing one year of chemotherapy.
4. Helped build a house inMississippifor some friends.
5. Graduating from college and seminary.
6. Scored 508 points in a game of Scrabble.

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3 More Pills

Are you praying for me?  Please don’t leave a comment on this message that you are – but are you praying for me?  I ask because I think I had my worst cancer day so far today.  Well, aside from the day the doctor came into my hospital room and told me I had a long road ahead of me.   And also aside from the day that I spent 13 hours laying on the table in the operating room with my coconut cracked open – I remember my elbow was in the same position for so long that day that it took awhile and some pain to bend it again.  And also other days as well – I guess it is all relative.

Today is the 4th day in my 12th round of chemo.  I have felt lethargic since the time I woke up.  It has seemed like my legs just do not want to work today – they have been incredibly tired all day long. I didn’t stand for any of the songs at church today, and leaned on the pulpit for the sermon.  My stomach has felt terrible all day long in the unperfect mix of constipation and dire-rear.  I don’t know how it happens.  I know that the chemo constipates you, but my colon just overcomes in powerful ways.  Or there is something in the water in Galveston that is making me sick.  All afternoon long I was laid out on the sofa watching NASCAR and basketball.  I didn’t eat anything for dinner tonight because I just don’t feel good.  There is just a constant unease in my stomach all day long.  I have been popping Tums all day long.  I have a new bottle of 72 Tums and it looks half empty now – probably have knocked down 15 of them in the past 24 hours. 

3 more pills to go to complete one year of poisoning my body so that my brain gets better.  I told my congregation this morning that the prayer should change to just one year of chemo – no more.   I am not sure if I can handle too much more of this.  Thanks for your prayers! 

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Sunday Morning Thoughts

Time to do a bit of procrastinating – going to upload all of the March Madness comments and a couple of other comments soon.  But in the whole, the last two days have been overall good – aside from the constant assault on my masculinity from the cancer.  However, I am thankful that I have found the most comfortable chairs in the local hospital (by the breast imaging radiology center).  I am not sure I will ever need this info, and it may be creepy if I spend extended time in that part of the hospital, but it may come in handy one day. 

I am talking about hell razing in the sermon tomorrow – that some of the work that God is doing in the world is razing hell – taking the places in this world that have hidden the light and restoring and returning them to his intentions.  I probably going to ask to go all in English this Sunday – so that my translator doesn’t have to keep translating my dirty language. 

I cut my hair this morning.  There is good and bad to cutting my hair.  Good is that when my hair is long, I can see some gray hairs.  I tell Jenn that the gray hairs are her fault, but she never appreciates that joke.  Gray hairs go away when I cut them.  Bad in the haircut is that I get to see the reminders of my cancer – the incision and places on my head where my head was stabilized and is now bald.  That doesn’t really bother me too much, though – I like having short hair. 

We spent tonight on the beach hanging out with friends and celebrating life a year after surgery.  It was a great way to do it.  It was cloudy overhead so the Texas sun wasn’t beating down, it was a warm day with a good breeze, and it was fun to watch the kids play and BBQ.  It was refreshing to be able to relax and enjoy the company of friends.  It was a good change from the crazies of the last year.  As we were leaving, one of the kids came up to me and said, “Tim, I am glad you are alive.”  I said, “Me too!”

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Mom’s Thoughts

My mom wrote down some thoughts on the one year anniversary of my surgery:

“It was 1 year ago today (April 8, 2010) that I stood at 4:30 a.m. in the chapel of the MD Anderson Hospital, holding hands and praying, with family and friends, for Tim, who was about to undergo brain tumor cancer surgery.  After waiting many, many hours in the waiting room that day, Tim finally returned to his room that evening and was remarkable well, considering he just had his brain “noodled” — the journey from that point on has been amazing.

 

After his recent medical appointments and MRI, Tim says in his blog on March 12th:

         

• Good news – The chemo seems to be working – there is a distinct difference between the MRI scan of July and the one done this week.  
• Bad news – If the chemo continues to keep working, they are going to keep me on the chemo.  In a sense that is good, but in another sense I am ready to start feeling better again.
•  Good news – The chemo is working.
•  Bad news – The end or a rest from this is not anywhere close.  I will have to have MRI’s every other month once I finish the course of chemo – to continue to monitor the tumor.  I don’t think there will be a time when I am ever declared in remission.   
• Good news – The doctor is happy with the progress I have made over the past year.  They can see scar tissue on the MRI, but it is difficult to tell if there are still cancer/tumor cells in my brain.
• Bad news – There is no way of knowing if all of the cancer cells will be killed.  Or if some become resistant to Temodar.  There is a good chance the tumor will grow back, and I will have to go through all of this again in the future.   
• Good news – Most of my blood levels are looking pretty good – the T-cells, white blood cells and all of that mumbo-jumbo are bouncing back each month.
• Bad news – The doctor is concerned about my liver.  Enzyme levels are up.  That could be due to chemo, seizure drugs or something else.  I will have to check with someone local to investigate that.  

Tim says that with each round of chemo it takes longer to bounce back.  But all in all, I think he is doing remarkable well.  He hasn’t lost any hair and he hasn’t lost any weight, although I think he’d like to do that! 🙂  However, he is very fatigued, feels very sluggish and feels like crap at times, but looking at him, you would never know he has brain tumor cancer (check out some of his family pictures on their website — timandjenn.wordpress.com.)    He gets up every day and takes care of Emma, who is now 7 months old, and I can see Emma has him wrapped right around her finger —  what a blessing she has been in both Tim and Jenn’s life.  (She is so cute — can’t you tell I’m a proud “Mimi”).  I think Emma keeps Tim going – they seem inseperable!  Jenn is the angel that came into Tim’s life a few years ago, for better or worse, in sickness and in health — she is right by his side, no matter what,  and what a blessing she is for him. 

 

As a mother’s perspective, this year has been very challenging for me, especially emotionally.  It is like riding a roller coaster – some days I am up, and some days I am down.  At times, the littlest thing can send me over the edge and the tears begin to flow but I try to stay strong all of the time.  It is so hard having a son who has cancer, living so far away.  I try not to let it consume my life and hopefully I don’t.  It is something you never forget it and it is always with you.  

 

But it is because of friends like you, I have been able to get over my hurdles.  I only wish Tim and Jenn were closer, so I could help if needed, but the Lord led them to Galveston, to help the people down there and because HE knew the best hospital  and doctors were down there to help Tim.  I truly believe Tim and Jenn were led to Galveston also, because the Lord knew Tim had brain tumor cancer and he would get the best care in Houston (which I feel he did and is still receiving).  Is it easy having them so far away? NO and it stinks – but thankfully we have Skype, email and cell phones to stay in contact. And I did get a chance to visit with them at the end of February and that was very special.  

 

It is only because of God’s will, our strong faith, and answered prayers, that Tim is doing so well.One doctor even told him that he expects Tim to live long enough to see Emma graduate.  OH YEA  — Tim’s journey began 1 year ago, and we don’t know how long this journey will take – only the Lord knows that but hopefully for many, many years as the doctor told Tim,  But , I just ask that you continue to pray for Tim and Jenn, baby Emma and our entire family,  as they/we continue this journey of life together with brain tumor cancer.  You can follow Tim’s journey on his website …. meandmybraintumor.wordpress.com.

 

I think of  some of the words of a song called “Just Pray”, sung by the Miracles Gospel Quintet.  They are … “Prayer is just as big, as God is, Prayer is just as strong, as God is strong; Prayer can reach as far, as God can reach, don’t ever give up, Just Pray”.  These words are with me every day.  I won’t ever give up praying, because I believe something good is going to come out of this brain tumor cancer journey.

 

Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers and especially for your friendship – it means the world to me — it is only because of you and my faith, that I, as a mom with a son with cancer, can make it though this journey.  Thank You!  

 

May God Bless You and all of your family.

 

Love, Diane”

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March Madness – Dena Winner – the winner!

Dena is a special friend of mine.  She is married to my closest friend and has put up with me for the past 13 years. 

“I WON!!  I just had to say it…feels kinda good…”

As I said before, Dena is looking into professional sports gambling as a profession.

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March Madness – Dave Winner

I have written about Dave before, but he did not show up this year for March Madness:

“My name is dave winner and I am not smarter than a guy with brain cancer or my wife or 9 year son.”

Dave owes me lunch the next time he comes to Galveston.

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March Madness – Jeff Ledbetter

Jeff is a member of my home church in PA and has led mission trips to Galveston the last two years. 

“My name for the NCAA is Lansdale Jeff, and I am not smarter than either Dena or a person with brain cancer.  At least I did beat Dick Vitale, and my lesson learned is don’t listen to Jay Bilas on ESPN, since I was persuaded to take Syracuse to the final four by his talking.”

Jeff doesn’t yet know that every talking head on ESPN is full of hot air.

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March Madness – Dana Adkins

Dana is part of our Mississippi family:

“My name is Dana, and I am not smarter than a person with brain cancer…but I am smart enough to not enter a basketball contest with you:-D”

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March Madness – Tracy Denninger

From Tracy Denninger – a friend from PA who works as an editor and is on a special task force called the grammar police:

“My name is Tracy, and I am not smarter than a person with brain cancer. However, I’m fairly sure I’m better at grammar and punctuation than you :P”

I still could beat her in a game of scrabble or boggle.

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One Year

It was one year ago today that I had brain surgery.  There have been incredible ups and downs in the year, but I am thrilled to be here now.  I was thinking of spending Friday at MD Anderson trying to track down some of my doctors to say thanks and that I would have never guessed that I have made it this far, but most of their clinic hours are on Wednesdays. 

A year ago this time (1:00 am) I was laying in bed wide awake wondering whether I would ever see my baby – there was so much unknown ahead of me.  Yet here is a picture of the smile that I get to see every morning when I get Emma out of bed:

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